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Everyone is awful in their own special way.

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Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

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Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

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When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

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I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

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Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

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Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

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There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

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I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people whoโ€™s lives are complete train wrecks.

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Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it wonโ€™t be your idea.

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I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

Commentary:
Galloping home at 3 a.m.? I'd need a horse with GPS and a coffee IV! ๐Ÿดโ˜•๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‚

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