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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Every day we get closer and closer to Idiocracy coming true.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

“Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,599

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Most attractive muscle on a man? The frontal lobe. Fully developed.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

Breaking via Threads:

Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

Making waves on YouTube:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Live now on Threads:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

Live now on Pinterest:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Spotted on Discord:

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

3 months ago

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Turning pain into art, 280 characters at a time! 🖊️😂📱

beautiful, beauty, close, close friend story, coping, coping mechanism, creativity, friend, friends, humor, mechanism, media, pain, social, social media, something, story, turn, tweet

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100 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

Maybe the problem is that I’m cooler than any man I’ve ever met.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m growing a mullet so no one will want to hangout with me.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Growing up, there was a Cody in every elementary school class, but as an adult, I haven’t met a Cody in years. Where did they go?

84 shares on X this month:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

Crying at my desk while also finding time to cry in the shower makes for a healthy work-life balance.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

No open job postings for “Warrior Poet” found in your area. Please try another search.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

Trending via WeChat:

Half princess, half menace.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot.

Making waves on Slack:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Broadcasted on Slack:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

Trending via Messenger:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

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Activity Log ✨

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

“You’re like cherry lip gloss. I just can’t get enough.”

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

“You’re like cherry lip gloss. I just can’t get enough.”

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨