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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Think like a crazy person, and then you’ll understand.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Bro, did you seriously just forget about Dre?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,527

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Just landed via YouTube:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Just shared via Pinterest:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

Shared recently on Discord:

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

Shared recently on Slack:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Seen just now on Threads:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

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Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.
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Commentary:
That sounds like the ultimate introvert's dream vacation! 🍄🏡🥣✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

95 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

29 shares on Discord this month:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,311

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

Shared recently on Discord:

My body is a vessel for various dips.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Just landed via Telegram:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

Seen just now on Threads:

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

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