It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

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At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

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I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

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Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

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My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

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I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

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Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

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When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

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“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

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Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?