Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,482

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Broadcasted on X:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Spotted on Snapchat:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Trending via Slack:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

Live now on TikTok:

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

Trending via Reddit:

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

Shared recently on WeChat:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

Shared recently on Discord:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you realize your road trip snack stash could fund a sugar factory 🍭🍫🍪🚗

9, age, always, buying, child, humor, matter, money, old, road, road trip, should, snack, snack buying, snacks, spending, travel, trip, unsupervised, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

2 months ago

alcohol, coffee, doctor, sugar, vodka
I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

2 months ago

bow, etiquette, hands, handshake, humor, kneel, not shaking, shaking
I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

2 months ago

clueless, confusion, going, happening, humor, humor quote, i, idea, ignorance, irony, know, sarcasm
When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

2 months ago

always, aspirations, business, business goals, childhood, childhood aspirations, dreams, girl, goals, growing, growth, humor, i, irony, little, little girl, needs, outcomes, satisfaction, transformative, transformative outcomes, user, user needs
No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

4 weeks ago

engineer, humor, job, job title, joke, prompt, prompt engineer, sloperator, title, wordplay
Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

2 months ago

exaggeration, gender, gender reveal, humor, invention, needs, party, reveal, satire, sun

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on X this month:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

19 shares on Slack this month:

Requesting the Pink Panther theme song at karaoke and just standing on the stage motionless the entire time.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

56 shares on Slack this month:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

27 shares on Telegram this month:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Bok Choy is a dope name for a vegetable.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

Shared recently on Threads:

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

Spotted on Messenger:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Going viral on Discord:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

Trending via WeChat:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Just shared via WeChat:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Just shared via X:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨