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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

It’s Monday, proceed with caution.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Twerk unto others as you would have them twerk unto you.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Another year? But the last one got such bad reviews.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

“Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,661

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Going bananas on Facebook:

You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”

Going viral on Snapchat:

So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Going viral on Twitch:

It’s cold and dark outside, made me think of you.

Just shared via Slack:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Going viral on X:

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

Live now on Pinterest:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Making waves on Twitch:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

“It is what it is,” I say, as I almost vomit from anxiety.

7 days ago

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When life gives you lemons, just remember they're great for calming the stomach! 🍋😅🤢

almost, anxiety, coping, emotional, emotional response, expression, humor, i, phrase, response, say, stress, vomit, vomiting

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Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Discord this month:

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

13 shares on Threads this month:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

10 shares on X this month:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

61 shares on X this month:

I appreciate all clouds. Fluffy, non-fluffy… it’s how Bob Ross would’ve wanted it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

The void screams into me.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

A selfie only a mother could like.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

Just shared via YouTube:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

Breaking via Discord:

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Going viral on Reddit:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Spotted on Messenger:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Just shared via YouTube:

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

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Activity Log ✨

“It is what it is,” I say, as I almost vomit from anxiety.

I made up all these romantic scenarios in my brain and you’re not following the script.

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“It is what it is,” I say, as I almost vomit from anxiety.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

I made up all these romantic scenarios in my brain and you’re not following the script.

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨