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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,725

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Women love asking you questions about the movie you both are watching.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Responding to any and all emails with ‘wow ok’

Trending via Discord:

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

Making waves on Threads:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Seen just now on Discord:

Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Trending via Pinterest:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

15 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote imagining viewing your near-death moments ranked humorously.

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Commentary:
Imagine the commentary track on those near-miss highlights… 🤔🎬💀

5, after, afterlife, almost, cool, death, died, event, experience, humor, life, life event, near-death, near-death experience, reflection, surprise, times, top

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Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Freshly posted on X:

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

Live now on X:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Shared recently on X:

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

Shared recently on X:

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Trending via Snapchat:

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨