Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

what doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,626

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Twitter is an abusement park.

Breaking via Reddit:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Going viral on TikTok:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Breaking via Messenger:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

Spotted on YouTube:

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Breaking via Discord:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Trending via Discord:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

Making waves on Pinterest:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

It’s messed up that there are a million songs about love, but zero about hopping on a quick call with key stakeholders.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I guess "Call Me Maybe" was just a beta test for stakeholder meetings 🎶📞🙃

call, communication, humor, irony, key, life, love, million, quick, song, songs, stakeholder, work, work life, zero

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

0

2 months ago

always, analogy, bit, breakfast, humor, kids, pancakes, parenting, strange
Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

0

2 months ago

apple, daily, eating, fiber, health, humor, intake, joke, sticker
I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

0

2 months ago

arrest, arrested, believe, doing, doing nothing, humor, i, impersonation, irony, just, nothing, politician, satire, sitting
Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

0

5 months ago

bodily, bodily function, farting, function, habit, humor, i, just, late, late night habit, night, nights, stay, staying, staying up late
If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

0

2 months ago

argue, conversation, humor, lost, loud, politics, someone, start, survival, talking, woods
I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

0

2 months ago

apology, bad, bad experience, coupon, customer, customer service, experience, food, here, humor, restaurant, service, sorry, terrible, terrible food

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Discord this month:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

88 shares on Slack this month:

“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

48 shares on X this month:

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

48 shares on Slack this month:

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

I will sit in the rain about this.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Spotted on X:

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

Just landed via Messenger:

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

Trending via WhatsApp:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Spotted on WeChat:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

Making waves on X:

Not again. I mean good morning.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s messed up that there are a million songs about love, but zero about hopping on a quick call with key stakeholders.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨