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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,363

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

Going viral on Snapchat:

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

Going viral on Facebook:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Spotted on Reddit:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Making waves on Instagram:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Live now on Threads:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

2 months ago

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Sounds like you need an inflatable pool float for the bathroom! 😂🚽💦

experience, funny experience, heat, hot, hot weather, humor, hydroplaning, i, just, office, office humor, seat, toilet, weather, work

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30 shares on Twitch this month:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

88 shares on Messenger this month:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

88 shares on X this month:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

47 shares on X this month:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

36 shares on Discord this month:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

30 shares on WeChat this month:

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

53 shares on Slack this month:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

69 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

I buy candles like I’m preparing for a Victorian blackout.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Adding “scroll for two hours” to my To-Do list, so I won’t do it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

Making waves on Threads:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

Going viral on Twitch:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Just shared via Telegram:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

Just landed via Twitch:

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

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Activity Log ✨

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨