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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Spotted on Discord:

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

Seen just now on Threads:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Broadcasted on Threads:

German couples probably have less arguments because there’s an exact word for, “I’m fine, just annoyed you forgot the milk again”.

Going bananas on TikTok:

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

Just landed via TikTok:

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

Trending via Threads:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

Just landed via WeChat:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

1 month ago

Witty quote about job applications and absurd salary demands, humorous and playful tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Applying for jobs like I'm trying to buy a small island 🏝️😂 #DreamBig

application, billion, dollars, exaggeration, humor, interview, job, job application, money, negotiation, next, question, salary, stupid, ten

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Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Threads this month:

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sane is boring.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Who called it America and not the fast food and the furious?

80 shares on Discord this month:

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

70 shares on Slack this month:

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

21 shares on Slack this month:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Just landed via YouTube:

If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

Spotted on Facebook:

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Showing my barber a picture of a dinosaur.

Just shared via WeChat:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Making waves on Facebook:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Making waves on X:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨