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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,851

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

Trending via Snapchat:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

Spotted on Reddit:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

Breaking via Twitch:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

Live now on Facebook:

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Listening skills so strong I already know where the interviewer sees me in 5 years! 👂😂🔮

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

1 month ago
bottle, childhood, drop, humor, nostalgia, parents, phone, school, snacks, survival, us, used, water, water bottle
If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

1 month ago
awkward, case, conversation, eat, elevator, humor, i, joke, me, say, shut, shut up, stranger, survival, talk, talking, want
Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

1 month ago
diarrhea, funny name, gonorrhea, great, humor, joke, medicine, name, wordplay
It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

1 month ago
announce, announcement, deep, feeling, frustration, heart, heavy, heavy heart, humor, i, irony, job, sadness, work
My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

1 month ago
air, air conditioning, back, comfort, conditioning, favorite, heat, humor, i, indoors, inside, sarcasm, summer, where
The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

1 month ago
confidence, dating, humor, impressive, list, me, relationships, sleep, women

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Live now on WeChat:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

Shared recently on Slack:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

It’s not a competition, but if it was I would win.

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

Things went well until the evil supermarket people hid my favorite products in new places.

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

69 but we both just farting.

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

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Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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