Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Fall in love? I can barely fall asleep.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,384

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Freshly posted on Threads:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Spotted on Reddit:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Just shared via Facebook:

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

Spotted on Telegram:

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to decide if I should apply for the job or just invest in a burrito and call it a career 🍽️💼😂

bean, bean and cheese, burrito, burrito menu, cheese, comparison, degree, food, food price, humor, irony, job, job posting, master’s degree, Masters, menu, posting, price, price comparison, salary

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

0

2 months ago

center, humor, irony, learn, people, science, self-centered, surprise, universe
I would rather lose you than the argument.

0

2 months ago

argument, banter, conflict, humor, lose, priorities, relationship
I am half agony, half hope.

0

2 months ago

agony, am, contrast, emotion, half, hope, humor, i, irony, struggle, wit
Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

0

2 months ago

again, coffee, conversation, greetings, humor, much, sarcasm, talking, too, too much
“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, black, black sheep, contact, denial, everyone, eye, eye contact, family, humor, i, relationships, say, sheep
Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

0

5 days ago

Alexa, assistant, forgetfulness, humor, i, me, memory, remind, reminder, room, smart, smart assistant, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Discord this month:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

14 shares on Discord this month:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

77 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

34 shares on TikTok this month:

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

Foolproof? Yeah, well we’ll see about that.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

What is the name of the course in medical school where you learn not to take your patients seriously?

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

We really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

It’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Just landed via Facebook:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Trending via YouTube:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Just shared via Threads:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Freshly posted on X:

Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

I would rather lose you than the argument.

I am half agony, half hope.

Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨