Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.