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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

When I said there’s no such thing as a dumb question, I didn’t expect them to take it as a personal challenge.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,625

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

Seen just now on Facebook:

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

Breaking via Slack:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

Spotted on Instagram:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Just shared via TikTok:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Just landed via Messenger:

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

Going viral on Reddit:

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

Breaking via Instagram:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"🤣 My cat is clearly auditioning to be my couch's new cover designer! 🐱🛋️✨"

animal, cat, cleaning, couch, hair, humor, humorously, i, judging, left, mess, pet, surprise

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

0

2 months ago

activity, childhood, culture, DuckTales, flex, fun, fun activity, intro, intro song, music, nostalgia, pop, pop culture, sing, song
I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, communication, discomfort, feel, honesty, humor, i, making, me, natural, pattern, relationship, say, spot, tendency, uncomfortable, wish
The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

0

2 months ago

communication, expectations, humor, man, relationship, surprise, tell, time, want
People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

0

2 months ago

advice, be myself, good, good thing, growth, humor, just, me, myself, people, personal, personal growth, sarcasm, self-identity, tell, thing
How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

0

3 days ago

funny question, glasses, humor, i, prescription, question, vision, windshield
When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

0

1 month ago

advice, ask, help, helpful, humor, i, last, losing, memory, put, question, questions, search, someone, something, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

21 shares on Threads this month:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

Awesome that January is over, but rude that our reward for getting through it is February.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

I drive like I’m immortal.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Live now on Snapchat:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

Trending via Instagram:

When intelligence meets empathy and kindness, it’s so sexy.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Making waves on Snapchat:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Seen just now on Instagram:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

Going viral on Twitch:

Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨