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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,560

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

ChatGPT is down right now and if you listen closely, you can hear millions of content creators screaming.

Just shared via Instagram:

At least life has music.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Breaking via Slack:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Making waves on Snapchat:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'll save my greatest love for karaoke night! 🎤😂

always, breakup, comedy, emotional, houston, humor, i, independence, just, love, loved, mean, point, relationships, sarcasm, whitney, Whitney Houston

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

6 months ago

family, great-grandchild, humor, i, inheritance, leave, legacy, screenshot, screenshots, technology
Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

2 months ago

change, complaint, dark, daylight, daylight saving, hell, humor, much, sarcasm, save, saving, time, time change, trying
My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

3 months ago

am, bed, furniture, humor, i, IKEA, self-deprecation, sleep, unstable
Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

2 months ago

90, activity, aesthetics, decision, decision making, fun, fun activity, grape, grape variety, humor, label, making, pretty, pretty label, shopping, variety, wine
Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

1 month ago

alive, asexual, being, contradiction, feels, humor, identity, pornstar, sometimes
You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

2 months ago

bed, dutch, Dutch oven, embarrassment, fart, home, humor, humor at home, intimacy, joke, oven, person, prank, type, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on WeChat this month:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

78 shares on Facebook this month:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

99 shares on X this month:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

90 shares on WeChat this month:

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

68 shares on Discord this month:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

I’m sick of living through history!

Just shared via YouTube:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Going viral on YouTube:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

Shared recently on YouTube:

People on Facebook be like “can anyone tell me about a thing I can easily Google myself?”

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

Spotted on TikTok:

If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.

Breaking via Instagram:

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Just landed via Instagram:

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The tarot lady on my TikTok said that you miss me.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨