Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Being a writer means canceling your plans so you have time to write, and then spending hours avoiding writing.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I love when toddlers passionately talk to you about absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,665

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m running out of people I like.

Making waves on Twitch:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Just shared via Slack:

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

Spreading quickly via X:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Spotted on Slack:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Even my left hand is confused about this culinary adventure 🍳🤚🤣

cooking, dinner, doing, else, feels, funny thought, hand, humor, kitchen, left, left hand, making, multitasking, someone, thought

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

2 months ago

humor, i, misunderstanding, murder, smother, still, thought, time, wordplay
My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

2 months ago

anxiety, attraction, attractive, confidence, dating, flirting, hoping, humor, i, looking, me, multiple, self-deprecating, shy, social, social anxiety, someone, times, version
At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

2 months ago

age, alive, before, birthday, check, Facebook, friend, friends, happy, humor, page, still, sure, wish
Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

2 months ago

dynamic, friendship, gender, hang, humor, LGBTQ, men, orientation, relationships, sexual, sexual orientation, social, social dynamic, stereotypes, straight, why, women
Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

2 months ago

distraction, excitement, exciting, finish, humor, i, idea, new, new idea, spontaneity, thought, why
Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

2 months ago

again, caught, cons, humor, husband, me, observation, pros, relationship, staring

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Telegram this month:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

80 shares on Slack this month:

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

Behold the majestic elephant in its natural habitat, the room.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

99 shares on Twitch this month:

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I love the smell of someone burning their last bridge with me.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Spotted on Reddit:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Just landed via Messenger:

The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

Going viral on Discord:

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

Live now on Messenger:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨