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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

With all the fake information out there, I refuse to believe scales or mirrors.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,482

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Breaking via Messenger:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Shared recently on X:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Spotted on Twitch:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Going viral on Instagram:

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

Live now on WhatsApp:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you.

0
McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like we need a 'McFix-it' lane! 🍔🔄🥤

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Slack this month:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

10 shares on Slack this month:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

36 shares on Reddit this month:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

87 shares on X this month:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

If we breakup because you “wanna focus on school,” I better see you in Harvard.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is basically introverts gone wild.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,242

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Just got my test results back and my cholesterol level is a cheese bratwurst.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I’m so introverted, I only listen to house music.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

What are y’all gonna do when those labubus come to life and start biting y’alls ankles?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

Just shared via Slack:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Live now on X:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Trending via Twitch:

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

Seen just now on Threads:

Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

Just landed via WeChat:

I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.

Live now on WeChat:

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

Going bananas on TikTok:

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

Spotted on Instagram:

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

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