Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

96 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s so beautiful when two real perverts find each other.

41 shares on Slack this month:

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.