Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,640

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Just shared via Discord:

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

There are people who have a favourite colour, and there are people whose favourite colour is purple. These are very different things. Purple fans are different creatures.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Joining the cult was mandatory, but I got a lifetime supply of purrs and catnip as a perk 😸✨🏡

cat, cult, humor, i, just, pay, pet, pet humor, rent, runs, secret, secret cult

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

0

2 months ago

90s, 90s love, dating, generation, humor, looking, love, relationship, sick, single
Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

0

2 months ago

expectations, hate, help, humor, irony, offer, person, relationships, yes
And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

0

2 months ago

fashion, humor, i, joke, next, sweatpants, today, transformation, trick, turn, yesterday
I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

0

2 months ago

debt, financial, financial humor, help, humor, i, job, math, me, planning, procrastination, responsibility, second, start, time, timing, work
The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

0

2 months ago

choke, choking, cool, coworker, culture, darth, Darth Vader, force, humor, lost, meeting, pop, pop culture, scene, sci-fi, staff, staff meeting, star, Star Wars, used, vader, wars, workplace
Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

0

2 months ago

accidental, accidental photo, accidentally, camera, embarrassment, faster, humor, me, nothing, phone, phone camera, photo, selfie, surprise, technology, turning

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

50 shares on Threads this month:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

60 shares on Slack this month:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Going viral on Slack:

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

Spotted on WeChat:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Shared recently on WeChat:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Just shared via Twitch:

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Spotted on TikTok:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨