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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Foo fighters still fighting foo.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,374

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Spotted on Reddit:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

Just landed via Discord:

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My brain has too many tabs open.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

Spotted on Slack:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Making waves on Facebook:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

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My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'Invisible Parent Act'—an enduring performance worthy of a standing ovation… from no one. 🎭🙈 #ParentingComedy"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Reddit this month:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.

42 shares on Threads this month:

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

63 shares on Discord this month:

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

Telling my parents they’re like family to me.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,277

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Adulthood is realising no one cares about you, and the show must go on.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

Going viral on X:

Well, at least my cat is supportive of me doing less and laying around more.

Trending via Snapchat:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Making waves on X:

Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

Spotted on Discord:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

Freshly posted on X:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

Seen just now on Discord:

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Live now on Snapchat:

Well, like I said to my television the other day, “How can these people be so stupid?!?”

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