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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,683

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Just shared via Slack:

If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

Making waves on Twitch:

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

Going viral on Discord:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Freshly posted on X:

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

Seen just now on Messenger:

You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Finding true love one slice at a time! 🍰❤️😋

cake, chocolate, chocolate cake, dessert, food, food love, humor, love, soulmate

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

0

2 months ago

40s, aging, humor, life, milestone, pounds, weight, welcome
Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

0

2 months ago

apple, daily, eating, fiber, health, humor, intake, joke, sticker
The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

0

2 months ago

advantage, being, contract, fitness, gym, humor, need, twin
My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

0

2 months ago

burnout, expectations, humor, mama, mediocrity, perfectionist, quitter, raise, raised, self-criticism, sometimes, struggle
If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

0

2 months ago

activity, cart, dating, fun, fun activity, pending, relationship, single, talk
The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

0

2 months ago

alone, chores, dishes, domestic, domestic life, humor, life, living, living alone, responsibility, trouble, turn

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Slack this month:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

16 shares on X this month:

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

30 shares on Threads this month:

The purpose of a meme is to disturb the humorless, and to humor the disturbed.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Going viral on Facebook:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨