Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,964

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

Going viral on TikTok:

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Freshly posted on X:

The morning routine that takes the longest: finding the will to live.

Seen just now on Twitch:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Spotted on Slack:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like selective hearing is a marital superpower! 👂😅🔊

communication, conversation, conversations, even, habit, listening, me, relationship, saying, starting, weird, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

0

5 months ago

better, communication, ex, humor, i, misunderstanding, most, mumble, osbourne, ozzy, Ozzy Osbourne, relationship, still, through
The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, call, delivery, food, guy, humor, i, joke, joke about delivery person, mule, person, pizza, pizza delivery, playful
Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

0

2 months ago

humor, i, need, Olympics, order, Paris, question, seen, sports, Tokyo, understand
How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

0

2 months ago

amount, change, confusion, days, humor, money, rent, same, where
I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, conversation, flowers, going, humor, nature, need, speak
Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

0

14 hours ago

boo, celery, food, getting, hot, hot wing, humor, jealousy, plate, relationship, treated, wing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Discord this month:

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

41 shares on Messenger this month:

Stop using ChatGPT. I can feed you misinformation too and I’m also beautiful and funny sometimes.

24 shares on X this month:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

57 shares on Twitch this month:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

Going bananas on Threads:

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Going viral on WeChat:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

Going viral on Telegram:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Making waves on Slack:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨