Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,944

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

Just shared via Instagram:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Live now on Messenger:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to be online nonstop.

Making waves on Reddit:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Making waves on Telegram:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Spotted on Facebook:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Spotted on YouTube:

Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

Seen just now on Threads:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like selective hearing is a marital superpower! 👂😅🔊

communication, conversation, conversations, even, habit, listening, me, relationship, saying, starting, weird, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

0

2 months ago

Facebook, glasses, life, people, social media, sunglasses
I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

0

2 months ago

comedy, expert, humor, i, joke, politics, sarcasm, satire, think, UK, unity
I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

0

2 months ago

bigger, bigger problems, comparison, creativity, honesty, humor, i, new, problems, quaint, sarcasm, solutions, solve
Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

0

2 months ago

frustration, human, humans, humor, life, meant, modern, modern life, password, security, technology
This post is invisible, and only those going to Hell can see it.

0

5 months ago

going, hell, humor, invisible, joke, media, only, post, secret, social, social media, spooky
I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

0

2 months ago

away, circus, escape, humor, i, inconvenience, minor, running, running away, stress, swear

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Facebook this month:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

23 shares on WeChat this month:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

48 shares on Slack this month:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

87 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I probably think this song is about me.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

Making waves on Instagram:

According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Breaking via Instagram:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

Just landed via TikTok:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

Making waves on Messenger:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Shared recently on Threads:

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

This post is invisible, and only those going to Hell can see it.

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨