Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

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When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

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There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

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I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

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I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

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There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

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Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

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You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

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Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

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The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

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The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.