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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

It’s called single sign-on because you have to do it every single time.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,582

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Just shared via X:

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Trending via Reddit:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Making waves on Reddit:

I came, I saw, I took a selfie as proof that I came and saw.

Seen just now on Slack:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Just shared via YouTube:

I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

Trending via YouTube:

January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

Trending via Messenger:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Seen just now on X:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about the humorous frustration of not being super rich.

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Commentary:
"Still waiting for my wallet to catch that 'wealthy' bug! 💸😂 #InconvenientReality"

aspiration, being, financial, financial struggle, huge, humor, inconvenience, luxury, me, money, rich, sarcasm, struggle, wealth, wealth aspiration

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69 shares on X this month:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

53 shares on X this month:

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

81 shares on Threads this month:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Just shared via X:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Breaking via Discord:

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

Just landed via Reddit:

What are some beginner pieces of information for somebody just getting into knowledge?

Just landed via Instagram:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I’m not an idiot anymore, universe, please stop with the lessons.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Shared recently on WeChat:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

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Activity Log ✨

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Adult peer pressure is seeing your neighbor mow his lawn.

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨