Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

If you’re having trouble finding the match to one of your socks, throw it away and the missing one will immediately show up. Follow me for more life hacks.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,614

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Trending via Twitch:

Welcome to your 50s, there’s a wrong way to stretch now.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Trending via YouTube:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Seen just now on Reddit:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Making waves on Telegram:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Enthusiasm level: 100. Motivation to get off the couch: -5 😂🛋️🙃"

activity, actual, doing, enjoyment, fun, fun activity, humor, humor quote, i, idea, laziness, motivation, much, procrastination, reluctance, said, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

0

2 months ago

bag, bags, collection, everyday, everyday life, funny observation, grocery, grocery bag, humor, inside, keep, life, observation, organization
Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

0

2 months ago

access, giving, humor, internet, irony, mistake, people, technology
I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

0

2 months ago

acceptance, awkwardness, food, hate, humor, i, offer, situation, social, social situation, someone
I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

1

2 months ago

animal, death, die, donation, donor, elephant, humor, i, lighthearted, new, organ, organ donor, trunk, want
“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

0

6 months ago

always, going, humor, i, lie, morning, myself, procrastination, self-talk, sleep, tell, tonight
My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, cart, dollars, humor, humor quote, million, money, online, online shopping, procrastination, savings, shopping, spending

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Slack this month:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve been thinking. Is ‘fat’ short for anything? Like an old word or something?

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

12 shares on TikTok this month:

I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Having a girlfriend who doesn’t post herself on social media is an underrated blessing.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

Trending via Telegram:

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

Trending via Messenger:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Spotted on X:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Just landed via Messenger:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨