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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

The worst part of getting struck by lightning is everyone seeing your skeleton.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,385

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

Shared recently on Messenger:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Trending via Snapchat:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Making waves on Reddit:

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

Breaking via Discord:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Breaking via Reddit:

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

Shared recently on X:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like my cat's motto on a need-to-know basis! 😹🙈

attitude, business, communication, humor, i, none, oh, privacy, sarcasm, secret, tell

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

0

2 months ago

attitude, being, bullshit, coping, daily, daily life, grace, gracefully, humor, insane, insanity, life, life struggles, only, struggles, survival, survive
I wish more dumb people were shy.

0

2 months ago

dumb, i, people, shy, wish
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

0

2 months ago

accept, acceptance, conditions, humor, i, irony, lord, me, prayer, read, reading, serenity, terms, wisdom
If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

0

2 months ago

advice, best, billionaire, election, humor, interest, person, politician, sarcasm, someone, telling, vote
Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

0

2 months ago

crazy, crazy thought, day, dicaprio, first day, future, future girlfriend, girlfriend, kindergarten, leonardo, Leonardo DiCaprio, nervous, thought
No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

0

6 months ago

astrology, cosmic, depressed, depression, excuse, health, humor, just, mental, mental health, mood, planet, planets, something, star, stars, sure, wrong

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Reddit this month:

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Situation monitoring is not for the uncaffeinated.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

62 shares on Slack this month:

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Making waves on Threads:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

Spotted on Slack:

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Spotted on Twitch:

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

Trending via Slack:

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Wishing I could hit snooze on life’s alarm clock!

Broadcasted on Discord:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

Going viral on WeChat:

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨