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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

“I don’t do politics.” Politics will do you, my brother and sister. Politics will do you like mad.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

No more learning experiences, please, God. I am smart enough.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,768

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Going viral on Telegram:

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

Seen just now on Discord:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Airbnb should have an option if you just want to use someone’s bathroom for a few minutes.

Spotted on Twitch:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

Spotted on Instagram:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

4 days ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Leveling up from virtual worlds to the dating world—pressing start soon! 🎮➡️💑

game, games, getting, girlfriend, humor, life, once, pandemic, quitting, real, relationship, social, social life, video, video game

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

2 months ago

candy, diet, gaining, humor, joke, retention, sweets, weight
I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

1 month ago

cooking, culinary, food, fried, hate, humor, i, joke, love, menu, pan-fried, shoe
Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

3 weeks ago

argument, conflict, fight, fighting, humor, internet, life, media, please, real, short, short life, social, social media, start, stop
Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

2 months ago

cause, even, freddie, freddy, Freddy Krueger, fun, fun loving, guy, horror, humor, krueger, lot, loving, murder, nickname, people, tell
I have a very active anti-social life.

1 week ago

active, anti-social, humor, i, introvert, life, social, social life
The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

1 month ago

12-year-old, 12-year-old boy, 40, 40-year-old, age, age gap, bloodhound, Bloodhound Gang, boy, boys, every, gang, gap, humor, music, nostalgia, old, reference, special

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Why would I go to my high school reunion? I didn’t want to be there the first time.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Dear Santa, Money!

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

We need a Disney princess who’s a greedy profiteer, so we can cheer for the poison apple.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Going viral on TikTok:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Live now on Pinterest:

God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

Broadcasted on Slack:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Trending via Telegram:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Making waves on WeChat:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Miso soup is such a silly name, like “Yes, you so soup.”

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

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Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

I have a very active anti-social life.

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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