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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has downloaded:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡² has downloaded:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡© has copied:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡² has shared:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡· has shared:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ has shared:

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ has shared:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has copied:

Be the reason your therapist reevaluates their entire career.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¬ has shared:

So you like bad boys? Cause I’m bad at everything.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¨ has shared:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,576

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via Threads:

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

Just landed via Instagram:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Just shared via Facebook:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Seen just now on Instagram:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

Making waves on TikTok:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Trending via Facebook:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

People who ask β€œCan I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

0
People who ask β€œCan I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.
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Commentary:
When someone asks "Can I call you?" I'm here thinking, "Sure, but only if you want to experience exclusive hold music!" πŸ“žπŸŽΆπŸ˜‚

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

πŸŽ‰πŸ₯‚ New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Discord this month:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

66 shares on Facebook this month:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

70 shares on WeChat this month:

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

29 shares on TikTok this month:

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, β€œwow, I better write my will.”

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,455

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡» has downloaded:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡΄ has viewed:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡­ has viewed:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡· has viewed:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ί has copied:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡³ has shared:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Someone from πŸ‡΄πŸ‡² has viewed:

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has downloaded:

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡° has downloaded:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

Going viral on YouTube:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Just landed via Slack:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Trending via X:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Spotted on TikTok:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Trending via WhatsApp:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Live now on Discord:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

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