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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Stay humble and play dumb. People reveal who they truly are when they think they are smarter than you.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

4,041

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

Going viral on Instagram:

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Just landed via WeChat:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

Making waves on Facebook:

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

Going bananas on Facebook:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
"Let's hope your dance moves are worth the wait! 🕺💃😂"

before, dating, decide, humor, interaction, just, mating, mating ritual, over, patience, please, ritual, social, social interaction, wait

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

1 month ago
change, humor, i, relationship, sarcasm
Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

1 month ago
aging, getting, getting older, humor, moan, older, sexy
Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

2 months ago
anyone, dating, fall, fall in love, humor, living, living together, love, me, relationship, rent, roommate, together, want
Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

1 month ago
compromise, going, humor, integrity, irony, okay, self, wit
“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

4 months ago
back, bed, fantasy, going, humor, i, morning, procrastination, sleep, tiredness, waking, waking up, woke
Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

1 month ago
charger, cleaning, cord, gadget, home, humor, hunger, irony, nothing, Roomba, technology

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Just shared via X:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

Trending via Messenger:

I need a break from me.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

Just shared via Threads:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Spotted on YouTube:

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

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Activity Log ✨

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

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Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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