Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Apparently, throwing the remote against the wall didn’t help recharging the batteries.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Just got chills imagining what Tom and Jerry could accomplish if they just worked together for once.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,719

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

Seen just now on Discord:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

Breaking via Reddit:

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

Making waves on Twitch:

Boy, are you a piñata? Because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Trending via Facebook:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Just landed via Slack:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Just landed via YouTube:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

Just shared via Telegram:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Perfect plan, unless my bed wants to start a conspiracy against me! 😴🛏️🔍"

bed, boredom, dead, humor, humor quote, laziness, no plan, plan, plans, pretending, red, relaxation, roses, roses are red, staying, staying in bed

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

0

2 months ago

behavior, humor, ID, liking, liking post, me, media, own, post, privacy, self-love, social, social media, social media behavior, watch
If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

0

2 months ago

crime, ever, frustration, humor, i, jail, murder, printer, technology
If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

0

2 months ago

believe, dating, deserve, honesty, humor, i, man, relationship, show, trust, warning, why
It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

0

2 months ago

activity, again, awkward, awkward situation, cancelled, date, funny activity, holiday, holiday tradition, humor, i, random, restaurant, significant, significant other, situation, tell, time, tradition, where, women, year
Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

0

2 months ago

excuse, funny excuse, humor, mom, outside, self-esteem, sorry, ugly
My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

0

4 weeks ago

automatic, call, humor, just, messaging, sound, stomach, system, voice, voice messaging system

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Twitch this month:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

23 shares on Threads this month:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

54 shares on TikTok this month:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

58 shares on WeChat this month:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

44 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Leaving out milk and cookies for Santa is literally making an offering to a deity.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Making waves on Pinterest:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

Just landed via Slack:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

Trending via TikTok:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Just landed via Slack:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

Going viral on Telegram:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Going viral on YouTube:

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

Going viral on WeChat:

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨