Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

22 shares on Threads this month:

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

84 shares on Discord this month:

Before the internet, going viral meant your drawing made it to the fridge, and your sibling was furious.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

67 shares on Discord this month:

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

40 shares on Messenger this month:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.