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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

First responders? You mean reply guys?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,751

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

Just landed via Pinterest:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Making waves on Discord:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Spotted on Messenger:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

Just landed via Threads:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Spotted on Slack:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about aging and social media habits with playful, witty words.

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Commentary:
When you realize your inner teenager needs a curfew! 🕒👴🏻✌️

age, delete, deletion, humor, i, media, old, post, remember, self-awareness, social, social media, sometimes, too

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Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on X this month:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Shoutout to everyone who remembers their childhood landline number but can’t recall the password they made yesterday. You’re my people.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

76 shares on X this month:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

100 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

17 shares on Threads this month:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry for being socially awkward. It’s just that I’m socially awkward.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Just shared via Messenger:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Just landed via TikTok:

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Breaking via WeChat:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

Trending via YouTube:

Situationship where the situation is being madly in love with each other.

Just landed via Facebook:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

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Activity Log ✨

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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