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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,591

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

Going bananas on Slack:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

Going viral on Instagram:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Going viral on YouTube:

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Trending via Reddit:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"BRB, upgrading my brain software. Please hold while I process your opinion! 🧠🔄😂"

bandwidth, boundary, busy, evolution, growing, growth, health, humor, independence, man, mental, mental health, neural, neural pathway, new, opinion, pathway, personal, personal growth, sarcasm, self-care, sorry, space, strangers, too

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

2 months ago
again, career, experience, hope, humor, i, job, just, list, never, resume, task, things, work
What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

1 month ago
best, criticism, crying, easily, employment, handle, humor, irony, job, laughter, sensitivity, someone
Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

1 month ago
communication, frustration, humor, people, relationship, sex, withholding, working
Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

1 month ago
calls, cheese, cooking, food, humor, life, lot, mistake, mistakes, recipe
Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

1 month ago
account, celebrity, going, hack, humor, joke, Kanye, media, normal, post, social, social media, something
Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

19 hours ago
80s, 80s film, appearance, charming, charming lead, classic, days, discord, Discord mod, film, gathering, group, guy, hair, having, i, lead, long hair, magic, Magic: The Gathering, mod, Navy, runs, scary

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

Just shared via Messenger:

I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

Just landed via Telegram:

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Spotted on Slack:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Men invented pool tables so they could watch each other bend over.

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

How is a plant not able to handle direct sunlight? You’re from outside.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

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Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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