Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

The worst person you know is studying psychology.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,311

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

Just landed via YouTube:

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Spotted on Telegram:

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Going viral on X:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Trending via Telegram:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Rules are rules, and my imaginary committee takes them VERY seriously! 🎩📜😂

actually, allowed, boundary, excuse, humor, i, just, love, myself, rule, rules, self-control, sorry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

0

5 months ago

bra, clothes, comfort, fashion, humor, no bra, oversized, oversized clothes, relaxation, self-care
A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

0

2 months ago

choking, Heimlich, humor, impossible, joke, maneuver, pronunciation, thing, wordplay
Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

0

5 months ago

again, born, digital, everything, habit, humor, media, memory, never, phone, procrastination, screenshot, social, social media, technology
I put the “sexy” in “dyslexic.”

0

2 months ago

dyslexic, humor, i, pun, put, sexy, wordplay
Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

0

2 months ago

before, concern, couple, funny moment, humor, just, making, moment, motorcycle, outside, realization, seconds, sounds, spent, stomach
Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

0

5 months ago

away, boyfriend, chase, child, dating, flirting, humor, i, men, rejection, relationship, started, telling

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on X this month:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

18 shares on X this month:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Oops, I think I’ve had a little too much to think.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

94 shares on Facebook this month:

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

25 shares on Reddit this month:

At what age do I delete Snapchat?

100 shares on Threads this month:

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

92 shares on Threads this month:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

There are too many neglected emojis.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Breaking via X:

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Just landed via Instagram:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Live now on Twitch:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Trending via TikTok:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Just landed via Slack:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Making waves on YouTube:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Shared recently on Discord:

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

I put the “sexy” in “dyslexic.”

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨