Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Since you’re all so in love, switch phones for Valentine’s Day!

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,584

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Spotted on Facebook:

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Trending via Pinterest:

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

Seen just now on Threads:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Trending via Facebook:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

Making waves on Pinterest:

Relationship status: We have changed from “I love you” to “I love YouTube”.

Making waves on Telegram:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Rules are rules, and my imaginary committee takes them VERY seriously! 🎩📜😂

actually, allowed, boundary, excuse, humor, i, just, love, myself, rule, rules, self-control, sorry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

0

2 months ago

cat, cats, communication, frustration, humor, i, me, mortgage, okay, pay, pet, yell
Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

0

2 months ago

argument, baby, communication, debate, gibberish, humor, innocence, passion, passionate, too
(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

0

3 days ago

before, compliment, cool, dark, dark humor, executioner, humor, i, irony, last, last words, met, unexpected, unexpected compliment, wish, words
A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

0

2 months ago

buy, clothes, fashion, humor, irony, lot, money, need, people, perception, right, shopping, think, wealth
I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

0

2 months ago

acceptable, break, breakup, DM, i, norm, partner, question, relationship, social, social norm, socially, someone, why, wish
I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

0

2 months ago

award, candy, comedy, confession, dentist, deserve, eat, honesty, humor, i, lie, Oscar, telling

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Netflix & by yourself.

74 shares on Discord this month:

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.

39 shares on X this month:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Live now on Telegram:

I did nothing wrong. I tried to do nothing and did it wrong.

Just landed via Instagram:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

Going viral on Slack:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Shared recently on Reddit:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Trending via Threads:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

Shared recently on Instagram:

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

Making waves on X:

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨