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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Breaking via X:

Just got chills imagining what Tom and Jerry could accomplish if they just worked together for once.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

Spotted on Instagram:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

Spotted on TikTok:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Just shared via Reddit:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Just shared via YouTube:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Trending via Snapchat:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Breaking via Reddit:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Taking a casual stroll around the world for some me-time is totally relatable 🌍🚶‍♂️😅 Just don't forget your passport next time!

around, carefree, ease, excuse, humor, humorous, humorous excuse, i, imagination, late, lateness, mind, relaxation, relief, sorry, stress, stress relief, travel, troubled, walk, wandering, world

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

0

2 months ago

beat, blood, blood pressure, brag, competition, high, high score, humor, joke, just, machine, pressure, score
Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

0

2 months ago

convenience, drive, humor, life, procrastination, risk, safety, short, shortness, technology, USB, USB drive
You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

0

2 months ago

advice, away, faster, getting, humor, keep, kids, life, life advice, older, parenting, problems, running
Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

0

2 months ago

celebration, feast, Feaster, food, holiday, humor, should, Thanksgiving
My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

0

2 months ago

am, bed, humor, i, morning, procrastination, routine, self-reflection, thinking, tired
Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

0

2 months ago

beats, having, hip-hop, humor, kids, lo-fi, millennial, millennials, parenting, yell

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on X this month:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

60 shares on WeChat this month:

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

36 shares on TikTok this month:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that makes him cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

You are the Monday of my life.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Seen just now on Discord:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Just landed via WeChat:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Spotted on TikTok:

When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

Broadcasted on X:

Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

Shared recently on Twitch:

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Just landed via Discord:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨