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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,708

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

Live now on Pinterest:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Making waves on Twitch:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Just landed via Slack:

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Shared recently on X:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
So true! Turns out the wise uncle was just avoiding the chaos and living his best life! 🏃‍♂️🚪🏡😂

aging, distance, family, humor, making, older, perspective, relationship, rest, sense, start, uncle, wisdom

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

0

2 months ago

comedy, frustration, guys, health, humor, i, media, mental, mental health, mess, nothing, posts, problems, psychology, read, social, social media, therapist, want, wanted
That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

0

2 months ago

building, depressing, disappointment, humor, irony, moment, pull, sarcasm, work
Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

0

2 months ago

another, boss, employment, great, humor, irony, job, me, never, sarcasm, work, workplace
I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

0

2 months ago

bear, biblical, biblical phrases, crops, cursing, eat, fruit, hope, humor, i, insults, mustard, mustard seed, people, phrases, ravens, sarcasm, seed, seeds, start, wit
The first Saw movie should have been called Footloose.

0

2 months ago

film, film title, Footloose, humor, joke, movie, pun, saw, should, title, wordplay
Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

0

2 months ago

bad, car, cars, growing, growing up, humor, life, manual, me, nostalgia, please, roll, struggle, technology, tell, Windows

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on TikTok this month:

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

27 shares on X this month:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

67 shares on Threads this month:

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

87 shares on Slack this month:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Whole crypto scheme is built on people too dumb for crypto that aren’t self-aware enough to realize it.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Broadcasted on X:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

Just landed via Instagram:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Live now on Instagram:

God saw you do that.

Just shared via Reddit:

Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?

Trending via Twitch:

You only live once and thank God for that.

Making waves on Slack:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

Making waves on Telegram:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

The first Saw movie should have been called Footloose.

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨