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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I can’t believe we became the adults in the most unaffordable period in history.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,511

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

Spotted on Pinterest:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

Just shared via Twitch:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

First you’re cringe, then you’re the blueprint.

Just landed via WeChat:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I love my bed so much, what a place.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
So true! Turns out the wise uncle was just avoiding the chaos and living his best life! 🏃‍♂️🚪🏡😂

aging, distance, family, humor, making, older, perspective, relationship, rest, sense, start, uncle, wisdom

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Slack this month:

Being a girl must be so easy. All you do is cry all day and text 10 different guys.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

11 shares on Threads this month:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

11 shares on Slack this month:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

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Activity Log ✨

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨