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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Normalize throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

The only function of a middle name is so a child can assess how much danger they’re in.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,522

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Making waves on TikTok:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Live now on Telegram:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

Spotted on Instagram:

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

Just shared via Facebook:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

Just shared via X:

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Live now on Telegram:

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

The amount of sleeping I’ve done over the past few days has been phenomenal. I genuinely love doing absolutely nothing.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sleeping Olympics gold medalist right here! 😴🥇 #ProNapAthlete

absolutely, amount, days, doing, doing nothing, done, i, laziness, love, nothing, over, past, relaxation, rest, sleeping

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

0

2 months ago

bite, distraction, eating, entertainment, food, good, humor, i, priorities, procrastination, refuse, single, something, take, TV
The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

0

2 months ago

ambition, aspiration, bags, goal, Gucci, humor, land, luxury, materialism, never, success, wealth
I’m ready to try another planet.

0

2 months ago

adventure, another, exploration, humor, planet, ready, space, travel, try
People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

0

2 months ago

call, couple, culture, fandom, geek, humor, joke, me, movie, movie reference, only, parody, people, pop, pop culture, reference, sci-fi, seen, star, Star Wars, times, Trekkie, wars
“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

0

2 months ago

action, choices, commitment, consequence, consequences, date, destiny, humor, i, irony, life, life choices, relationship, well
People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

0

2 months ago

anything, emotion, hate, love, none, people, perception, relationship, self

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on X this month:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

82 shares on Instagram this month:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

99 shares on TikTok this month:

Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

73 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I’m like a semicolon, most people don’t know what to do with me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

He probably follows so many women because he believes in elevating their voices.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Going viral on X:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Going bananas on X:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Spotted on Instagram:

I wanna become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Just landed via Snapchat:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Breaking via Reddit:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Live now on Instagram:

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The amount of sleeping I’ve done over the past few days has been phenomenal. I genuinely love doing absolutely nothing.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

I’m ready to try another planet.

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨