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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,320

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

Spotted on Reddit:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Freshly posted on X:

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

Making waves on Threads:

“You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

Seen just now on Discord:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

Just shared via X:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Why waste time decoding signals when you can just get a Wi-Fi password faster? 😆📶

advice, best, confused, confusion, dating, dating advice, ever, humor, know, love, need, piece, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

0

2 months ago

cause, confusion, cousin, family, gatherings, humor, interaction, lot, parents, party, partying, relationship, sibling, social, social interaction
I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

0

2 months ago

backyard, creativity, garbage, humor, i, just, neighbor, neighbors, outer, outer space, perspective, problems, shoot, space, try, waste
Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

0

2 months ago

activity, attention, dad, family, fun, fun activity, hack, humor, joke, oven, parenting, preheating, teen, teens
Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

0

2 months ago

30, building, even, foot, height, humor, irony, just, nature, permit, regulation, tree
Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

0

2 months ago

age, ago, came, decades, feel, fossil, humor, i, jurassic, Jurassic Park, movie, nostalgia, park
“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, answer, asked, beautiful, beautiful woman, dating, humor, inappropriate, inappropriate answer, interview, job, job interview, situation, social, social situation, weakness, woman, women, workplace

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Messenger this month:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

Growing up, there was a Cody in every elementary school class, but as an adult, I haven’t met a Cody in years. Where did they go?

92 shares on YouTube this month:

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

64 shares on Facebook this month:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

39 shares on Discord this month:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

For my next trick, I’ll watch a two-hour movie in four.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Reading about two insects who fall in love in Italy. It’s a Rome ants novel.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

So I just keep making dinner? Every night of my life? For forever?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Going viral on Reddit:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

Just landed via Facebook:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

Spotted on Facebook:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Just landed via Discord:

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨