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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,755

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Going bananas on Slack:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Making waves on Messenger:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Just landed via Reddit:

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

Just shared via Threads:

You can do laundry every day and still be behind on laundry.

Just landed via X:

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Breaking via Discord:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Going bananas on Instagram:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Breaking via Discord:

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

4 weeks ago

Witty quote about having the last laugh with a mischievous twist, humorous and playful.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"😂 Beware! My laugh isn't just contagious, it's a supervillain's giggle! 🦹‍♂️🤣"

always, confidence, humor, i, know, last, laugh, laughter, me, mischievous, oh, personality, playful, sarcasm, self-assured, thing, witty, yes

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90 shares on Slack this month:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

Your phone is a casino designed to steal your time.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

Netflix be like “we know exactly what movie you talkin’ ’bout but we ain’t got it lol”.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

82 shares on Slack this month:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

78 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

30 shares on Threads this month:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My playlist so bipolar. We either in love, depressed, or gang members.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Making waves on Facebook:

When you’re feeling down, just turn up the music a little louder.

Shared recently on Threads:

Life sucks a lot less when your feet are in a creek, and you forgot your phone in the truck.

Making waves on Facebook:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨