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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,480

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Spotted on Telegram:

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

Going viral on Slack:

You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

Just shared via Slack:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

We’ve got a shituation here.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Going bananas on Snapchat:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Spotted on Telegram:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Making waves on Facebook:

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to postpone tomorrow like it's a dentist appointment 😅🕒🌙

bedtime, end, free, free time, humor, i, late, management, night, night owl, owl, procrastination, reason, sleep, start, stay, stay up late, time, time management, tomorrow, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

0

2 months ago

communication, going, greeting, humor, intention, sleep
My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

0

2 months ago

cleaning, domestic, domestic life, hire, housekeeper, humor, life, mess, refuse, refuses, relationship, want, wife
I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

0

3 weeks ago

adult, am, antidepressant, doing, eating, floss, flossing, going, here, humor, i, idiot, irony, just, laundry, little, responsibility, salad, self-care, taking, teeth, walk, walks, want, whatever
No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

0

4 weeks ago

adult, adulting, being, destination, frustration, humor, hurry, irony, just, life, life truth, me, place, responsibility, somewhere, truth, want, warned
Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

0

3 months ago

adulthood, bill, bills, decision, eat, food, humor, just, responsibility, why, wondering
Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

0

2 months ago

12, alone, alone time, day, hack, hours, life, life hack, mental, mental preparation, mentally, morning, morning routine, personal, personal time, preparation, productivity, routine, self-care, time, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Telegram this month:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

27 shares on Telegram this month:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

57 shares on Facebook this month:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

36 shares on X this month:

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

34 shares on Threads this month:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

You didn’t get fired, your job “fumbled you”.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

Just landed via TikTok:

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

Just landed via WeChat:

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

Just shared via Instagram:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a boy that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Just landed via Reddit:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Just landed via Telegram:

I need you to put the fun in refund!

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨