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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Just landed via Reddit:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

Live now on Facebook:

“I’m tired of being forced to eat microplastics. I’m ready for big plastics now.”

Freshly posted on Discord:

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

Live now on Reddit:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

Going viral on YouTube:

I feel like a wildlife photographer when I spend hours trying to capture my teenager’s smile.

Going viral on Messenger:

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

Just landed via Instagram:

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

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Commentary:
"Looks like I'm not just a sweet talker, I'm a medical marvel! 😘🥼💉 #TooSweetToHandle"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Threads this month:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

70 shares on Discord this month:

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

Wanna know a real adult life hack? Don’t tell anyone when you have a day off. Absolutely no one.

57 shares on X this month:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

43 shares on X this month:

Oh good. Another day.

46 shares on Threads this month:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Mashed potatoes are just German guacamole.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,680

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

Trending via WhatsApp:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

Just landed via Telegram:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Just shared via YouTube:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

Spotted on Twitch:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Just shared via Threads:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

Live now on TikTok:

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

Just shared via Facebook:

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

Making waves on Messenger:

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

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