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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and retweet if you agree.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,481

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

Spotted on Messenger:

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

Just shared via Facebook:

Introverts have fun, too — we just don’t care if you know.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Live now on TikTok:

I must retire to my chambers about this.

Just shared via Messenger:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

3 weeks ago

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Imagine the chaos as history buffs and amateur experts duel it out in the chat room of each page! 🔍📚😂

add, article, chat, communication, every, humor, interaction, internet, live, live chat, online, online interaction, should, technology, Wikipedia

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60 shares on Slack this month:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

55 shares on Threads this month:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

What is rizz if not swag persevering?!

99 shares on Telegram this month:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Big accounts just say water is wet and get 1 trillion likes.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

No open job postings for “Warrior Poet” found in your area. Please try another search.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Just landed via Threads:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Just shared via Slack:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Just landed via Slack:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

Making waves on Instagram:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Making waves on Discord:

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

Spotted on Slack:

If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

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Activity Log ✨

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

I buy candles like I’m preparing for a Victorian blackout.

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

I buy candles like I’m preparing for a Victorian blackout.

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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