Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,381

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

Making waves on WeChat:

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

Just landed via Slack:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

Trending via Threads:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Making waves on TikTok:

Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

3 weeks ago

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Looks like I've got the green light for some last-minute mischief! Time to test the durability of Grandma's fruitcake! 🎄😈🎁

Christmas, deadline, excuse, game, gift, gifts, holiday, hours, humor, Japan, late, list, locked, nice, nice list, procrastination, Santa, say, still, want, whatever

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Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on WeChat this month:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

91 shares on Slack this month:

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

86 shares on Discord this month:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

75 shares on Slack this month:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Every time I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere, I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.

41 shares on Twitch this month:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

93 shares on Slack this month:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I probably think this song is about me.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Be the funny, awkward silence breaker you want to see in the world.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

Just shared via Discord:

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

Trending via Slack:

Boyfriends sound cool and all, but unfortunately, I enjoy not talking for days at a time.

Spotted on Twitch:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Just landed via Slack:

It’s cold and dark outside, made me think of you.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

Just shared via Instagram:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨