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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

23 minutes ago

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Shared recently on Threads:

It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

Making waves on Instagram:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Live now on WeChat:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Making waves on Slack:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Just shared via Instagram:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Just landed via Slack:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Just shared via Reddit:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Seen just now on Reddit:

When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Closing down one work tab every day until Christmas like a reverse advent calendar.

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

6 months ago

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

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Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the age-old wisdom of prioritizing phone time above all else. 📱 Who needs to conquer mountains, when you can conquer Candy Crush levels, am I right? 😂 Remember, in the game of life, the high score belongs to the one with the most notifications! #PhoneTimeIsPrimeTime"

balance, days, even, feel, forget, getting, hectic, humor, life, life balance, lose, much, never, overwhelming, perspective, phone, phone time, priorities, relief, sight, stress, stress relief, things, time, weeks

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

808 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,970

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,970

23 minutes ago

3,421

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Making waves on X:

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Just landed via WeChat:

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Freshly posted on X:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Making waves on Twitch:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Reported on LinkedIn:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

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