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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Doctor said I am terminally chill.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

“Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,318

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Going viral on WeChat:

Falling off academically is worse than a heartbreak.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Seen just now on Discord:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Trending via Instagram:

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

Live now on Facebook:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Spotted on X:

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

Freshly posted on Threads:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

1 month ago

Playful quote emphasizing the importance of phone time during hectic days.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the age-old wisdom of prioritizing phone time above all else. 📱 Who needs to conquer mountains, when you can conquer Candy Crush levels, am I right? 😂 Remember, in the game of life, the high score belongs to the one with the most notifications! #PhoneTimeIsPrimeTime"

balance, days, even, feel, forget, getting, hectic, humor, life, life balance, lose, much, never, overwhelming, perspective, phone, phone time, priorities, relief, sight, stress, stress relief, things, time, weeks

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

99 shares on Slack this month:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

74 shares on Threads this month:

I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

Travelling through the US by car is beautiful because you feel like a blood cell in a very sick man’s body.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Old people are right about crosswords and morning stretches, I will admit.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I woke up alive again.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll call it a smartphone when I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells back “Down here in the couch cushions!”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,307

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Shared recently on Facebook:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Spotted on Threads:

Being Leonardo DiCaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.

Spotted on Instagram:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You can do that on your own.

Going viral on Twitch:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Just shared via Reddit:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

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