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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,693

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

Making waves on Discord:

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

Going viral on Discord:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Breaking via Reddit:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

Live now on WeChat:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

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This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.
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Commentary:
"Temple maintenance plan: Controlled demolition daily! 🙃💣 #LivingOnTheEdge"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

16 shares on Discord this month:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

51 shares on Slack this month:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

80 shares on Discord this month:

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

72 shares on YouTube this month:

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine not sighing when you think about your life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,246

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

My kids want to know what’s for dinner, like they’re going to be happy with the answer.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Trending via Facebook:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

Trending via Facebook:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

Going bananas on Threads:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Just landed via Slack:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Shared recently on YouTube:

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

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