This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Elsa froze her entire kingdom instead of dealing with her feelings. I respect that level of avoidance.