Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,747

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

Just shared via Facebook:

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

Shared recently on Twitch:

When intelligence meets empathy and kindness, it’s so sexy.

Just landed via YouTube:

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

Making waves on X:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Going viral on TikTok:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Shared recently on Messenger:

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you really hit it off with someone new but they’ve got career commitments. 😂🔪💔

before, compliment, cool, dark, dark humor, executioner, humor, i, irony, last, last words, met, unexpected, unexpected compliment, wish, words

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

TikTok? I still call it a watch.

0

2 months ago

call, entertainment, humor, i, joke, media, social, social media, still, technology, TikTok, time, watch
I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

0

2 months ago

frustration, hate, here, i, open, opening, package, person, sealed, tear, tear here, try, using
One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

0

5 months ago

brain, break, distraction, humor, just, mental, mental break, off switch, procrastination, switch
I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

0

5 months ago

care, denial, home, honesty, humor, i, lying, said, standing, stubbornness, window
People never run off to join the circus anymore.

0

5 months ago

circus, join, never, people, run
The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

0

2 months ago

cartoon, chasing, escape, humor, i, me, paint, prank, secret, Secret Service, service, side, tunnel, wall

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

47 shares on Threads this month:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

55 shares on Messenger this month:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

79 shares on Discord this month:

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

81 shares on X this month:

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being weird never goes out of style.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

58 shares on Threads this month:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Making waves on Reddit:

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Trending via Facebook:

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

Just shared via Instagram:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Live now on YouTube:

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

Trending via Slack:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

TikTok? I still call it a watch.

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

People never run off to join the circus anymore.

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨