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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

My playlist so bipolar. We either in love, depressed, or gang members.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,265

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Going bananas on Discord:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

Just shared via Threads:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

Going viral on Instagram:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

Going viral on YouTube:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

Just shared via Discord:

Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

Just landed via YouTube:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Going viral on X:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

3 weeks ago

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When you really hit it off with someone new but they’ve got career commitments. 😂🔪💔

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85 shares on Facebook this month:

Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

Egyptians did pretty well for a civilization that wrote entirely in emoji.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

For once, I’d like to spiral into control.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that everything is going to be OK.

Making waves on Reddit:

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Meow means woof in cat.

Just shared via Twitch:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

More foods should have boats, why should gravy have all the fun?

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Going viral on Reddit:

Adult peer pressure is seeing your neighbor mow his lawn.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

Trending via Instagram:

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

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Activity Log ✨

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

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Activity Log ✨

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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