Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

You know the nap is good when it left you marks.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,381

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

Trending via Reddit:

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

Just shared via Pinterest:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

Just shared via WeChat:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Just shared via Reddit:

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Live now on Slack:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Making waves on X:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about procrastination and pizza cravings, with a humorous kitchen dilemma.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Cooking skills so advanced, I'm now a certified smoke signaler 🍕🔥😆

burn, decide, decision, decision making, dinner, food, humor, i, making, meal, meal planning, order, pizza, planning, procrastination, trying

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Instagram this month:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

36 shares on Facebook this month:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

94 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

People delete their social media and start acting like they got a master’s degree in maturity.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Trending via YouTube:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Trending via Telegram:

He probably follows so many women because he believes in elevating their voices.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Live now on Reddit:

I can show you the stars, we just have to stand up really fast.

Seen just now on Discord:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Trending via Discord:

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Keep the laugh going 😂

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨