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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe we became the adults in the most unaffordable period in history.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Starting to think business is standing on me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,398

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Making waves on Discord:

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

Making waves on Discord:

You don’t know a person until you’ve seen them eat popcorn.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Vote for me, I’ll cut the alphabet in half.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

Live now on TikTok:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Spotted on X:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Breaking via Reddit:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

5 months ago

0

Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Finally found the secret to happiness: ignoring everyone else's drama! 🙉🤫😎

activity, behavior, business, humor, minding, minding business, own, personal, personal space, sarcasm, social, social behavior, space, unpopular, unpopular activity

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

0

2 months ago

communication, email, existence, finds, hope, humor, i, irony, paradox, peace, philosophy, relative
Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

0

2 months ago

breakfast, craving, eating, food, humor, i, sandwich, whenever, wish
When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

0

2 months ago

40, aging, body, doing, humor, nature, over, over 40, pain, reason, text
Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

0

3 weeks ago

complain, cute, humor, i, irony, kid, kids, parent, spoil, spoiled
Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

0

4 months ago

abduct, abduction, alien, aliens, dressed, extraterrestrial, feels, humor, joke, me, pretty, readiness, ready, rude, sarcasm, still, waiting
For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

0

2 months ago

always, beauty, Dracula, eyeliner, fashion, goth, guy, humor, joke, makeup, reflection, vampire

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I’ll eventually be able to get back in it.

99 shares on Twitch this month:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

86 shares on Telegram this month:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

65 shares on X this month:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

A gambler is only called an addict when he loses.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

13 folks are currently checking 👀

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I will not stop replying with gifs. I am a Millennial, it’s my birthright.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,455

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn’t sure I was using correctly.

Just shared via Facebook:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Spotted on Twitch:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Making waves on X:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

Trending via X:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Seen just now on Facebook:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

Going viral on Instagram:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

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