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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I love mirrors because they remind me of how pretty I am.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,529

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

Shared recently on X:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Seen just now on WeChat:

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Just landed via Messenger:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

Just shared via Facebook:

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Spotted on Slack:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Seen just now on Slack:

If she wants the moon, you get her the moon.

Wait… if you’re circling back and I’m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation?

2 months ago

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Looks like our situation needs a traffic cop! 🚦😂🕵️‍♂️

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25 shares on Slack this month:

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

91 shares on Discord this month:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

91 shares on Slack this month:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

33 shares on Slack this month:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

24 shares on TikTok this month:

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

78 shares on Twitch this month:

I bet she doesn’t even laugh at your dumb jokes the fake way I did.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Twitter is like attaching a message to a balloon, hoping that the right person somehow finds and reads it.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I told ChatGPT about us.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

Just landed via Threads:

I am cassette tape years old.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

Going viral on Threads:

I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

Making waves on Discord:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Spotted on Instagram:

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

Live now on X:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Going viral on Telegram:

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

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Activity Log ✨

Wait… if you’re circling back and I’m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation?

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

There will only be world peace if we get another Gangnam Style.

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Wait… if you’re circling back and I’m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation?

Keep the laugh going 😂

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

There will only be world peace if we get another Gangnam Style.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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