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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,748

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Live now on Pinterest:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Just shared via Twitch:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Trending via Instagram:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

Going viral on X:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Going viral on Twitch:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Just landed via Reddit:

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

Going bananas on Slack:

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I’ve found the perfect work-life balance: ghosting my job! 👻💼😆

day, death, die, early, hope, humor, i, life, morning, motivation, procrastination, reason, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

0

2 months ago

am, compromise, humor, i, integrity, offer, principle, sell, sell out, value
“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

0

2 months ago

ears, humor, music, reaction, turn, turn down
Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

0

2 months ago

acting, always, comedy, de, expression, facial, facial expression, fart, funny expression, humor, just, looks, nasty, nasty fart, niro, Robert, Robert De Niro
If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

0

5 months ago

back, humor, i, ID, karma, revenge, watch, witty
Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

0

3 months ago

animal, cat, celebrity, every, humor, little, me, pet
A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

0

2 months ago

end, fundraising, humor, hunger, irony, jar, media, satire, social, social media, swear, swear jar, Twitter, world, world hunger

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Reddit this month:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

43 shares on X this month:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

88 shares on TikTok this month:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

14 shares on Instagram this month:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

Freshly posted on Slack:

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Just shared via Facebook:

Love is in the air, but so is the flu. Wash your hands!

Going viral on YouTube:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Seen just now on Threads:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Spotted on TikTok:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Trending via Instagram:

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Just landed via Twitch:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨