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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

They’re making me do work at work.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Shared recently on TikTok:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Making waves on Instagram:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

Making waves on TikTok:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Trending via TikTok:

I believe libraries are our proof that we once valued curiosity.

Just landed via Facebook:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Looks like I'm not just a wife, I'm also a handy 'get out of jail free' card! 🎟️😂 #MasterOfExcuses"

ask, asking, communication, excuse, humor, husband, just, let, marriage, me, procrastination, relationship, using, whatever, wife

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42 shares on Telegram this month:

Making art is making love to the world.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

Bro, you gotta try this high-protein Caesar salad, cold brew, air fryer, overnight oats recipe I found on Instagram.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

35 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

91 shares on Threads this month:

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

81 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

39 shares on X this month:

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

What if the universe wasn’t infinite or finite, but a secret third thing?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I suffer from awesomnia.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called LinkedOut.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Shared recently on X:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Just shared via Messenger:

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

Making waves on X:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Trending via Messenger:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Making waves on Telegram:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

Just shared via Discord:

Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.

Spotted on Instagram:

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

Trending via Discord:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

We used to burn CDs like we were running an underground record label.

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

We used to burn CDs like we were running an underground record label.

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨