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Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

The “-ification” essay pandemic.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Old people are right about crosswords and morning stretches, I will admit.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Freshly posted on Slack:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

Going viral on YouTube:

As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

Trending via WhatsApp:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Just shared via TikTok:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Making waves on WeChat:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

Just landed via Discord:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Trending via Messenger:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Going viral on Slack:

Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about marriage humor, highlighting a witty excuse involving a wife.

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Commentary:
"Looks like I'm not just a wife, I'm also a handy 'get out of jail free' card! 🎟️😂 #MasterOfExcuses"

ask, asking, communication, excuse, humor, husband, just, let, marriage, me, procrastination, relationship, using, whatever, wife

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Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Telegram this month:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

55 shares on Telegram this month:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

41 shares on Slack this month:

Rock bottom ain’t even that bad of a place to be if you’re into collecting rocks.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Okay, fall, I see you showing a lil’ leg.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Seen just now on Twitch:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Just landed via Discord:

The mattress in the guest room was perfectly fine until I had to sleep on it once.

Going viral on TikTok:

I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

Live now on Snapchat:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Breaking via Messenger:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

Making waves on Telegram:

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

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When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Mental state: just googled “When will the sun explode.”

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Mental state: just googled “When will the sun explode.”

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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