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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Single introverts be like, “If it’s meant to be, my future love will simply teleport into my living room.”

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,261

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You don’t realize how incorrect and annoying YouTube video essays are until they’re about something you like.

Spotted on Slack:

I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

Going viral on Reddit:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Spotted on Slack:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

Breaking via TikTok:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Just shared via Threads:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Whispering to the paramedic before I pass out: Save me, but just enough that Monday can be postponed indefinitely 🚑😂 #Priorities"

before, enough, health, humor, i, me, paramedic, pass, pass out, reluctance, save, tomorrow, work, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

0

2 months ago

communication, cultural, cultural reference, digital, digital expression, emoji, emoji expression, express, expression, grief, humor, humorous, humorous quote, irish, Irish grief, Irish humor, misfortune, online, online communication, people, reference, shamrock, shamrock emoji, should
On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

0

2 months ago

agenda, family, family vacation, internet, loud, parent, parents, read, reading, vacation
That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, di, dish, dishes, doing, doing di, funny situation, humor, moment, procrastination, put, sink, situation, social, social situation, someone
Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

0

2 months ago

exist, hotter, humor, jealousy, me, ok, people, pretty, rude, self-deprecation, younger
So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

0

2 months ago

30, bank, estate, finance, house, humor, i, joke, mean, mortgage, own, ownership, real, real estate, reverse, take
Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

0

2 months ago

boundary, care, drawing, era, growth, healthy, healthy boundary, humor, just, people, people pleaser, personal, personal growth, pleaser, politely, recovering, recovery, self, self-care, villain, villain era

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Discord this month:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

86 shares on Telegram this month:

Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Menstruation is bizarre. It’s like something David Lynch would have came up with.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

(suicidal grindset guy) When I jump, it’s gonna be from the penthouse.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

Spotted on Threads:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

Spotted on Facebook:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

Shared recently on Slack:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨